Ensign Favors Stimulus of his Package

BOROWITZ REPORT, July 11, 2009
Ensign Favors Stimulus of his Package
Urges ‘Long, Hard' Look at Proposal


Senator John Ensign (R-Nev) broke with his fellow Republicans today, telling reporters in Washington that he favors additional stimulus of his package.

"I misread my package's needs," the senator said. "It needs significantly more stimulus than I originally thought."

Sen. Ensign said that while he originally thought his package could make do with one stimulus, "I now think it needs a second, third, or even fourth stimulus."

The junior senator from Nevada said that he hoped his colleagues would give his proposal a "long, hard" look, but warned, "I'm prepared to be very rigid about this."

Mr. Ensign brushed aside concerns that his recent sexual scandal could inspire an increase in penis-related jokes about him.

"I was put in the Senate to do a job, and I am not about to blow that job," he said. More Borowitz here.